My grandmother used to fuss at me when I was young because I was “too friendly” to strangers. When I was younger I was confined to the front porch because my grandmother didn’t really trust the world and wanted to ensure my safety. Even as strangers passed by, I would speak. My grandmother would scold me and say “You don’t know those people! Don’t speak to them!” I always believed in giving people the benefit of the doubt until they proved they don’t deserve it.
I have had a couple of serious relationships before meeting my husband that ended badly. I gave everything I could and it still didn’t work. For some reason, when I decided to move on, I did not take that with me. Again, I thought it fair to treat the next person with a clean slate. NOT saying that I didn’t carry scars from my previous relationships, but I went into the relationship with a clean slate of trust for that person because I wanted the same in return.
When I met my husband, I was used to drama. You know the drama of “where is he?, where did this phone number come from? who is he talking to?”- that drama. To my surprise, my now husband (then boyfriend) didn’t come with that type of drama. Things were calm, loving, relaxed, honest. I wasn’t used to this. I found myself CREATING drama just to feel comfortable! I also didn’t know how to disagree without being angry at the person. I didn’t understand the concept of agree to disagree. At the first sign of disagreement, I wanted to leave because I thought that was what people did when they disagreed (my scar from foster care).
My now-husband (then boyfriend), taught me what it meant to really love and what it felt like to really be loved. I have grown to be a person who can agree to disagree and still love/like a person. I have grown to be a person who appreciates a relationship free of drama enducing.
Alumni Family, regardless of what we have been through, regardless of who has hurt us, regardless of how we’ve been abused or neglected, WE CONTROL how we respond to and accept others. I do not mean to sound like it is easy coming to this realization because as I’ve stated above, it took some time for me to learn this. It is normal to experience ups and downs in a relationship, but pay attention to what causes the ups and downs. I mean reaalllyy pay attention , is it your baggage (internal) or is it your partner’s (external) and deal with the situation accordingly.
Everyone has their hang-ups in life and in relationships regardless of whether they were in foster care or not. You will know when the right person comes into your life because not only will they help you find your way and love you IN SPITE OF, but you will be willing to help them find theirs, IN SPITE OF.